Gaia Community: Spirit Eagle's Blog

Windblown Flight

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Sat, 10 May 2008 02:46:16 GMT

Blow me, Wind, far and high.
Catch my wings and carry me
still higher into light,
beyond the misty rainbows.

If you could give one gift to our elders, what would it be?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 23:57:36 GMT

This one question is significant in my life, probably more intensely now, but always important. There is so much our elders truly need from us, and, as I come closer to joining the ranks of elders even while I care for my very elderlyl aunt, I understand more each day what truly matters in relationship. The challenge is to answer with one gift. The best I can reply is to give loving, attentive, listening presence.

Yet I cannot leave the answer alone there. I find there can be value in expanding my answer to define it as clearly as I am able. Too often I believe we tend to use "love" or "loving" in the sense of the warm fuzzies that feel good to all of us. To love, to be loving is so much more, and often it has very little to do with how one feels in the act of being loving, sharing love.

To love in the context of my intent is best described by the Greek word agape. Other words for love include filos, eros, etc. All are very different in context and use. Agape is that choice to place the welfare of others ahead of one's personal desires and interests, to act in a manner that benefits the other to his/her highest good. Agape involves the deepest respect for the other person to the point that there is no judgment, no expectation, no demand. It becomes simple acceptance with genuine caring for the other person's good. There is also the added consideration of respect involved. Without respect for anothe person there cannot be agape.

I look at all those words and I am not satisfied. There is so much more - at least a million or more. Those will have to do for now.

Our elders have lived longer, seen more, suffered more, given more simply by virtue of the fact they have had more time to do it all. Our elders, just as those who are younger, deserve to be respected for being. Each person has something to say, something to share. Each person deserves the same loving acceptance. Consequently, I think I will limit what I think every person with whom we have contact should have from us to those who are in their late time of life in the present, physical sense.

How often have some of us been guilty of being hurried and inattentive when one of our elders tells the same story we hear last week, last month, last year? How often do any of us simply drop a card in the mail, write a short letter, pick up the telephone? Most elders are not internet-savvy (except my 89-year-old mother who doesn't have access to the internet at the moment, though.) Our elders understand and treasure the spoken and written words we share with them, even when we have to write much larger and more carefully so older eyes can read. Or we must speak more slowly, clearly and loudly so older ears can hear.

I listen to my aunt and watch her as she is slowly transitioning away from life. I listen to my mother when I call her every week. I see and hear something that is almost inevitable and painful. Mother is quite articulate and very much connected mentally. She worked until she was 80 and now misses the daily stimulation of being with other people, doing useful things. Now she lives alone in a small apartment in Tulsa and has little contact with others. I call her once a week. My "other brother" (my deceased sister's husband) takes her to the grocery store, to doctors appointments, out to lunch or dinner and generally does everything he can for her. I have three brothers still present in life, one in Germany, one in Texas and one living about 40 miles or so from Mother. The two who are more distant call or send one thing or another now and then. Our elders need to know they are still important, still valuable, still needed.

Our elders need to be loved through our touch, hugs, holding their hands. Our elders need us to listen without rushing them. Our elders can best be gifted by our love in action.

Tags: QaR, elders, gifts, sharing, age

A Time for Compassion

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 22:25:10 GMT

As I have read friends' blogs (Aley and Michele) about their experiences in the presence of His Holiness the Dalai Lama last week, I thought of what I was doing on that same day. How I would have loved to have been in that place with them, to see and to hear and to know the presence of a person who lives his unity with the Sacred. I had to satisfy (hardly) myself with listening to an interview he gave on NPR yesterday evening, and I was thankful for that.

My day on Saturday was another of my usual trips, a two-hour drive south to visit with my aunt. It was a difficult visit in some ways, not entirely unexpected, though. I have shared about my aunt Ruth in earlier postings. The last few months have brought more challenge, more pain, decreasing ability to communicate effectively, increasing complications and declining health.

Something that might make the contrast of how she has changed and come so far away from the Aunt Ruth I've known all my life: In my mother's family one always makes one's bed upon arising and never lie back down on it until going to bed at night. One exception allowed, if one is so ill as not to be able to remain vertical. Even that might have been debatable with some of those women at times. When I arrived at the rehab hospital at 1:30 pm, my aunt was lying on her bed. She had eaten only half a banana so far that day. To say I was a bit surprised is to put it mildly.

Today I participated via phone in a conference with her caregivers, since the drive from my office to the rehab hospital would mean having to take almost an entire day from work, not a good idea at this time. I'll need those times when I must take off soon enough. For the first time I got a sense that at least a couple of the staff really do seem to care. Sometimes I have wondered. While I value their desire to help her function more effectively, to do things for herself we tend to take for granted, to have something of a life in the late part of her life, I think Aunt Ruth is cooperating with them more as a "go along to get along" means of managing. With me she is honest and allows her pain and her weariness of living to show.

Next time I go, and every time thereafter I believe I'll be taking my native American flutes to play for her.

Tags: compassion, aging, dying, family

What have you been missing?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 20:08:47 GMT

EXERCISE. Time for discipline.

Tags: QaR, missing, missed, lacking, remembering

What is life?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:30:48 GMT

Are there any words sufficient to express what life is? It is. Love is. Joy is. For me, life is the vibrant expression that I am created through the joy of unconditional love to be who I am, to grow into who I can be.

Tags: QaR, life, living, explaination, description, personal, joy

We Wait

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 00:44:03 GMT

We wait

and wonder in the waiting.

Is this the time, the place?

Are these the ones who also wait

and wonder if I am the one

for this time and in this place?

We wait

and watch the sun rise each morning,

tracking across the sky till night

and wonder in the waiting.

Will this day be the one

when I hear the clarion call

across the mountains,

the call asking me to come out

and be the one?

We wait

through the dark and quiet night,

waiting for the trackless path

no longer to be hidden from our eyes.

We wait.

Perhaps our best, most precious gift

is the silent, patient waiting

when the darkness seems never

to end or even to become less dark.

Perhaps the time and place we wait

is where we are meant to be,

sharing time and place with those

who also wait.

Spirit Eagle 2008

Tags: poetry, waiting, patience

What gave you the most joy as a child?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 17:28:41 GMT

Books and music, music and books. Writing, making music - making music, writing. I haven't changed much in all these years. :-)

Tags: QaR, young, childhood, joy, passion

Desert Spring

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 04:59:30 GMT

Desert Spring

The winter desert waits in cold somnolence,
in grey-brown starkness spiked by faded scrub.
It is an austere, demanding land marked
and surrounded by sharp mauve-brown mountains
that thrust against the lower reaches
of a cobalt firmament which only hints at shreds
of wispy images of clouds.

On currents filled with sunshine's promise
she dirfts across the sage and Joshua trees,
blessing hidden crannies with her breath
which leaves a tattered trail of beauty
seen only by the diurnal lizard's eyes.
Before the eye she drops her treasures
leaving brigher, darker greens and
splashes of bright yellow floting
on the desert floor, dotted by the fuschia
bloom or brightened by white desert flowers.
She drops clumps of lighter sage among
refreshed smoke trees and paints spiked
orange up and down the valleys.
And where is least expected there is
the bright palest lavender blue, her eyes.

As she advances up slopes of burgundy
and burnt sienna she paints with mossy green
on rocks which before stood bare.
She warms the desert air with the sunshine
of her smile and the joy of her laughter,
the cactus blooms.
And as she trails yet further, higher,
the desert smiles and starts to fade
for summer comes and the desert dreams
until spring comes again.

Spirit Eagle

Tags: poetry, desert, spring, hope

Desert Walk and Winter

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:24:23 GMT

Several years ago, in the very early spring, my friend Geoff and I took a walk in the high desert near the Clark Mountains of southern California. Geoff is a paleoarcheoligist, among other things, and had studied the area many times as part of various scientific projects. One of the first and most beautiful surprises we discovered was something he said was a rare find, even there, a bush in full, glorious deep purple-blue bloom. It was indigo. It was and is amazing. As we walked what would appear to most folks as barren desert land, talking and sharing our souls, I discovered something about the desert I have not forgotten. The desert is incredibly beautiful, filled with promise and subtle beauty. What seems stark and lifeless is teeming with often minute and hidden life, often awaiting only a small amount of light or moisture to reveal its promise. What stayed with me powerfully was the sight, seen only when walking and closely present, of a carpet of miniature fairy flowers, pale pink with burgundy edging and center. It was magic.

Winter is the hope-bringer to the desert. Without the occasional rains of winter, there are no magical flowers and amazing sights. There is animal life that can lie dormant for years until there is enough winter rain to bring it to life, disappearing once the heat of summer comes to lie dormant once more until enough winter rain comes again. Yet, even in the driest, harshest desert there is a miracle of small beauty in unexpected places.

It has been a cold, quiet winter so far. Here where the foothills become the High Sierras in northern California, winter is beginning to edge back and loosen its grip. This time of silence and introspection slowly will give way to new life, new hope, new beauty. The iris will start to grow up from the fallow ground, the buds on the fruit trees will begin to swell, promising a bountiful harvest of plums in a few months.

I have been quiet and fallow the last few months. It has been winter in my spirit, still and stark. This has not troubled or concerned me. Over the years I have discovered the hidden beauty of still times when life goes deep with nothing appearing to be growing and blooming. One need not bloom all the time. There are times we must be in the darkness where it is quiet, where our spirits may rest and renew until the winter rains warm into spring showers and encourage new flowering, new sharing. That time is coming. This time is good.

Tags: winter, desert, flowers, stillness

Eagle When She Flies

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:50:22 GMT

Dolly Parton-Eagle When She Flies

For all of us women

Tags: eagle, song

What were you taught about religion?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:00:04 GMT

I posted this in response to another comment but chose to move it to stand on its own.

As with many others, my childhood religious influences were conservative, my parents, extended family and most associates all Christian. However, my curiosity and dissatisfaction with what I heard from all of them led me to read anything and everything I could find. Now, with time, I realize how the vast majority of people take literally the cultural myths and metaphors giving birth to the many and varied religious traditions. Are they lies or are these stories from people simply not mentally matured beyond the place where everything is literal and nothing is symbolic?

I believe it is the process of a maturing mind and spirit to come to the realization that religious traditions grow from the need of a particular people at a particular time to connect with that which is greater, that power and source not understood. Stories will arise to try to explain what appears mysterious. As in the case of the Abrahamic religious traditions, tribal legends and stories, along with cultural influences of place and time became woven into the fabric of the religious traditions. Lies? Perhaps. Symbolic and metaphorical? Definitely.

It is up to each of us to sort out what makes sense for each of us, to explore and to discover until we have enough knowledge and understanding to put something together that works for each of us individually. All I can do is thank my parents and grandparents for empowering me to use my mind, to think for myself, apart from and regardless of their own religious belief. They got more than they bargained for. :-)

Tags: QaR, childhood, religion, education, god, spirituality, memories, church

What have you been thinking about recently?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 18:34:41 GMT

There has been a question pushing at me lately and everything finally fell into place this morning as I was driving into work. Why is it that, while I am completely and unequivocally committed to living responsibly with as much awareness and practice of environmental and financial sustainability, so much of the rhetoric, most of arguments and discussions I hear and read leave me cold? Rather than feel energized and inspired, much of what is said either bores me almost to distraction or leaves me feeling oddly dissatisfied and noncommital. Then I realized anew what seems to be a significant majority of attention and discussion is somewhat negative and the arguments for change are based either on fear or thinly disguised and questionably sensible consumerism. "If we don't do this, a terrible ... will happen." "If we don't this or that, something awful will..." Fill in the blanks. We all are aware, bombarded as we are.

There is enough to consider to make many blog posts. The frequently irresponsible consumerism in our Western society, also infecting much of the rest of the world, is a subject I will leave for another time. I work in a financially focused business where I see daily, even hourly some days now, the terrible effects of ill-considered, unwise financial decisions. For now I shall stick to the thoughts about the overarching and often subtle attitudes influencing use of resources and the effects on environment and lifestyle.

My partner is dedicated to working towards more sustainable lifestyle and in building community around that goal. He is an activist. I am just as committed but something about so much of what he reads and shares with me, about what I find for myself and hear around me troubles me....or bores me. Perhaps part of my reaction comes from the fact I know enough science to understand the environmental issues, enough about relationship and living as a human being to understand the needs and desires we hold in common. Consequently, after a while, enough is enough. I do not need daily sermons or arguments to convince me further. I got it already. So, my next thought is to get moving and stop talking so much.

However, that is only the first and easiest reaction. Why my heart and mind have not been captured by all the talk and words has made me think hard about why. Then, this morning, the light came on. Highly intelligent, deep thinking people have been and will continue to discourse. Yet, so much of what they have to say comes from a deep fear of what can happen if we do not "get it" soon. I absolutely do not discount the seriousness of the environmental and lifestyle sustainability issues. These are critical times demanding critical thinking and responsible, sensible choices and change. Nothing, though, will benefit by acting from a place of fear. My own attitude will make all the difference in how successful any effort I make might be. Acting from a place of fear often sends the message of "I have to do this or that or something so terrible will happen." This can become a self-fulfilling prophecy out of the negative energy fear creates.

As a response to my perceptions of the fear I offer a beautiful, profound essay by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. I cannot say it any better.

You Were Made For This
by Clarissa Pinkola Estes

My friends, do not lose heart. We were made for these times. I have heard from so many recently who are deeply and properly bewildered. They are concerned about the state of affairs in our world now. Ours is a time of almost daily astonishment and often righteous rage over the latest degradations of what matters most to civilized, visionary people.

You are right in your assessments. The lustre and hubris some have aspired to while endorsing acts so heinous against children, elders, everyday people, the poor, the unguarded, the helpless, is breathtaking. Yet, I urge you, ask you, gentle you, to please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times. Especially do not lose hope. Most particularly because, the fact is that we were made for these times. Yes. For years, we have been learning, practicing, been in training for and just waiting to meet on this exact plain of engagement.

I grew up on the Great Lakes and recognize a seaworthy vessel when I see one. Regarding awakened souls, there have never been more able vessels in the waters than there are right now across the world. And they are fully provisioned and able to signal one another as never before in the history of humankind. Look out over the prow; there are millions of boats of righteous souls on the waters with you. Even though your veneers may shiver from every wave in this stormy roil, I assure you that the long timbers composing your prow and rudder come from a greater forest. That long-grained lumber is known to withstand storms, to hold together, to hold its own, and to advance, regardless.

In any dark time, there is a tendency to veer toward fainting over how much is wrong or unmended in the world. Do not focus on that. There is a tendency, too, to fall into being weakened by dwelling on what is outside your reach, by what cannot yet be. Do not focus there. That is spending the wind without raising the sails. We are needed, that is all we can know. And though we meet resistance, we more so will meet great souls who will hail us, love us and guide us, and we will know them when they appear. Didn't you say you were a believer? Didn't you say you pledged to listen to a voice greater? Didn't you ask for grace? Don't you remember that to be in grace means to submit to the voice greater?

Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good. What is needed for dramatic change is an accumulation of acts, adding, adding to, adding more, continuing. We know that it does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace, but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale.

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire. To display the lantern of soul in shadowy times like these-to be fierce and to show mercy toward others; both are acts of immense bravery and greatest necessity. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it. If you would help to calm the tumult, this is one of the strongest things you can do.

There will always be times when you feel discouraged. I too have felt despair many times in my life, but I do not keep a chair for it. I will not entertain it. It is not allowed to eat from my plate. The reason is this: In my uttermost bones I know something, as do you. It is that there can be no despair when you remember why you came to Earth, who you serve, and who sent you here. The good words we say and the good deeds we do are not ours. They are the words and deeds of the One who brought us here. In that spirit, I hope you will write this on your wall: When a great ship is in harbor and moored, it is safe, there can be no doubt. But that is not what great ships are built for.

Tags: QaR, thinking, thoughts, attention, preoccupation, hope, purpose

What do you believe about love?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 23:02:10 GMT

Love is creative, life-giving energy, the very essence of what brings all that is into being. Far more than an emotion, beyond any words there are to express its reality, love simply is.

Tags: QaR, loving, love, meaning

What is something everyone can agree on?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 22:37:03 GMT

About the only thing I can imagine all of us would agree is this: If we are alive we are breathing. If we are breathing, we are, to some degree or another, still alive. (And no deep thoughts about what being alive means, just viable is all.)

Tags: QaR, agreement, values, community, getting along

Choosing Compassion

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 19:31:57 GMT

Recently a friend commented on a particularly challenging reality so many of us face as we attempt to live as caring, compassionate and connected beings. Her reaction came as the result of reading another blog I wrote in which I shared the story of a man whose relationship I lost as he lost all his relationships, his career, and even his mental health. Her observation spoke to the truth that there are no guarantees that even our best efforts will not end in loss and pain. We can do everything right in a relationship, but the results are not completely ours to control. There was sadness in her comments but also positive resolve to continue choosing compassion as a way of life.

Ever since reading those comments I have been thinking about them. I made the choice to be a compassionately loving person and there is no other path I would take. I believe I made that choice when I agreed to be in physical existence at this time. For me, there is no other way to live but to love without condition and to love with compassion.

I also became a bit curious about the distinction between compassion and altruism. Blame it on an inveterate desire to use words precisely. My daughter Maggie says, "Mom, you're such a Virgo...and so am I." However it plays out, I make efforts to express my most accurate meaning and hope my words are understood as I mean them to be understood. That is why I checked my definitions to be assured of clarity. Of course, the desire for clarity around those two terms has led me on another merry mind chase.

To share (for the sake of clarity) before I proceed on with why I continue to choose a compassionate life: altruism is about doing for the benefit of others without expectation of return. Compassion is all about altruism but with an added motivation - to alleviate suffering. In either instance, there is no thought of or desire for recompense or return. It seems to me that compassion is altruism taken to the level of the heart in a manner suggesting a sharing from a deeply personal place. There appears to be a more passionate connection between the one who loves and acts with compassion and the one whose suffering evokes such response. Altruism is a good and necessary quality. Compassion makes it personal.

As I think about being compassionate, I realize it would be so much easier, less challenging, take less energy and time to stay present with people on the level of altruism. Altruistic people do care, otherwise they would not give so generously to facilitate all manner of beneficial activities. To love beyond that place is to become more deeply connected to the lives of those who suffer and seek not only to improve the welfare of those who have need, but to seek to understand the individual pain the need causes. Perhaps it is such understanding that recognizes the often painful reality that such needs cannot always be resolved completely and the opportunities for continued suffering are abundant because of insufficient resolution. Yet, even with continued suffering, compassion seeks to ease the pain even in the midst of its cause. Compassion is not so much about doing as being.

Even as I think about all these things, I realize I choose compassion because it is who I am. There is no other answer. It is, though, a definite choice. It comes from a place where I have experienced and now live in complete awareness and growing understanding of unconditional love. To have realized I receive the gift of unconditional love evokes the only response I understand, to love unconditionally myself. This is action, not a feeling when it is comfortable and easy. Loving without condition and acting with compassion are anything but easy and are often very uncomfortable. Because this loving is unconditional, there is no motiviation, no expectation, no desire for anything but the ability to continue. Love is for its own sake.

On occasion, sometimes frequently, other times not at all, there are the "warm fuzzies" of feeling to help the process along. Because I seek to love without condition and because I have the gift of discernment, seeing people and situations very clearly, I recognize easily the ugliness, occasional stupidity, frequent selfishness and all the foibles, mistakes and mis-steps all of us experience as humans. Yet, loving without condition allows me to see and to experience such challenges without losing my balance. Along with the darkness a person can show to everyone around I also see the beauty in that person's soul, sometimes unrecognizable or even unknown to that person. The challenge is to know when to speak and when to be silent, when to act and when to stand still. Above all, respect for each person is key to true compassion. There are times nothing can be done to ease the rough path a person walks as result of the choices he or she has made. Compassion, then, is standing beside the road and being ready for whatever can arise, even if it is nothing at all.

Tags: compassion, unconditional love, altruism

Celebration

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 15:51:38 GMT

Nothing defines us more than our celebrations, and all of us in every culture, society or group of people celebrate our connectedness with others with more traditions and passion than anything else we can imagine. The power of the United States' celebration of Thanksgiving Day is its recognition of the importance of community and, to a large majority, the nuclear family itself. Perhaps the angst so many people feel when this holiday is not what we imagine it "should be" is how clearly we recognize the lack of close community and disconnectedness some of us live.

This day is the one day, almost more than any other on the calendars of U.S. residents, when we recognize the one truth by which we define ourselves. We are community beings. I have yet to see or hear a person define him/herself without at least some reference to connection with someone else. Even the Christian metaphorical description of the Sacred is one of community, the Trinity. All cultural and religious traditions are centered on relationship of one sort or another. Community, family, togetherness is what defines life itself. It is something not only to be recognized as important, but something to be celebrated as life-giving and life-supporting.

One of the most powerful examples I have observed was the life of a man whose spirit and life virtually disintegrated as he lost, one by one, all the signs of connectedness and community he valued all his life. I met him in mid-1985, a few months after returning to single living. He was an effusive, gregarious, emotionally expressive man, Jewish by birth and from Brooklyn. My experience of my Jewish friends and acquaintances tells me this is probably a culture and identity with some of the most powerful traditions we can imagine.

Over the ten years we were connected I saw a vital, intense and interesting man become someone no one who had known him before this time would recognize. Before we met in Houston, Texas, he had lived all his life in New York or close by. He had enjoyed a successful career on Wall Street until one of the severe economic downturns ended his work there. In very few years he lost his marriage, his home, his livelihood and his father. All these things were crucial to him as identification of who he believed himself to be. When he and I met on a commuter bus to downtown Houston and our jobs, he was living in an apartment in the southwest side of the city and working on the security staff of one of Texas' major banks.

By the time we went separate directions he was mentally disassociated from everyone except the rare times he was able to see his son. He lost his ability to maintain adequate employment as what had begun as depression took on the characteristics of what now is often described as bi-polar disorder. He no longer could enjoy reasonably intelligent conversations, nor could he maintain responsible behavior. He lost his ability to relate and to see himself as related to others, except his son. This last characteristic was exacerbated and hastened when his mother died. Eventually, because he knew his inability to be responsible, reliable and relational had destroyed our life together, he requested that we go separate ways. He no longer wanted to try to live in relationship because he did not know himself to be connected to anyone or anything.

We seek to celebrate our connectedness, our identities as family and community. This is so crucial to our wholeness that we build all sorts of traditions and expectations into one day in the year. It is no wonder no other celebration carries as much baggage and has so much potential for anguish and joy. Our spirits long for unity with each other and with the Sacred, and when we lose some of the connections, it is no surprise we can find this day to be so difficult. Then, if we choose, we can begin to rebuild and to rediscover the connections to others and with the Sacred Presence. Then we can again celebrate and be grateful.

Tags: Thanksgiving, celebration, community, connections, family, gratitude

Time for Letting Go

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 20:56:05 GMT

I have been rather occupied with my aunt's declining health, hospitalization and all the associated concerns the last few days, more than usual. On the level of loving relationship I have all the commitment to and sharing time with her taking a front row in my mind and heart. On the level of analytical thinker, that part of me always present and helping keep the balance, I am watching her, those who are tasked with her care, observing actions, reactions, listening to what is said and what is not.

As I drove her from the hospital where she spent a few days being treated for congestive heart failure, erratic blood pressure, etc etc etc, I noticed something I had not seen so clearly before. Perhaps it wasn't there before. She seems much diminished. Her body was sitting in the front seat beside me but the vitality of her spirit has waned in the last few days. I checked her into the skilled nursing facility, as recommended by her physician, and could not help but notice how much less of her there was in front of my eyes. While she is not cyanotic, even when short of breath with the inability of her lungs and heart to deal with the effects of aortic stenosis, she was not as vivid as she had been just ten days ago.

The analytical part of me was busy even while my heart was fully engaged with Aunt Ruth. She has lost so much of her memory, both short and long term. Unless she has regular contact with people, she forgets them. She knows about some people but has lost her ability to remember more than knowing who they are. She does not recall events, faces, encounters. Knowing how poorly she processes verbal communications and mental gymnastics now, I chose to tell her very little of what I have learned of her physical condition or the prognosis. Of course, we all share the same prognosis. All of us will transition from this physical existence as we know it. Some just will do it sooner than others. However, her aortic stenosis is untreatable and the only action to be taken is to keep her as comfortable as possible. There will be no heroic measures, no cpr, no intervention. When her tired heart stops, she will go.

Aunt Ruth, like her five sisters and mother (my mother included), is reticent about deeply-held thoughts. All she asked me was if I was okay with ... I looked into her eyes and told her I want her to be at peace and to choose for herself . I told her I am perfectly content with what she chooses. She nodded and smiled very slightly. We did not need further discussion. It is done. I asked her if Aunt Dorothy, the first of the six sisers to pass into the next form of living and the one with whom she was closest, had been on her mind. I happen to know most of my family is a bit (or a lot) uncomfortable with my weirdness, so I was careful to express my question in a form that would be easy and comfortable. She said Aunt Dorothy had been on her mind a lot lately. Of course, Aunt Dorothy will be the one to take her hand as she transitions and help her make those first steps of birth into new being. I told Aunt Ruth that her sister would be present with her and would not leave her alone. She smiled and looked a little surprised when I told her that her other three sisters and mother are there also and they will have a big party when she arrives.

She chuckled at the thought of a party (I do know my Aunt Ruth and her party self) and I told her I loved her and will see her Saturday. The two-hour drive home last night was quiet, peaceful and easier than I expected.

Tags: family, dying, letting go

21st Century Contemplative Mystic

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:19:48 GMT

Agreeing to ordination was a big step. In the weeks since I have been thinking and wondering. What next? What does this mean? Where to I go? What is my path? What do I want?

The answer is almost unbelievably simple, so clear and bright it makes my eyes widen in surprise at how easy it all is. Recently, regarding another subject entirely, my friend Ann said to me, “We humans make things so difficult.” How true, so very true...about just anything. We make things so difficult and muddy up the clear waters without a second thought. Then we wonder why the water isn't as clear and beautiful, why we can't see the bottom of the stream. It is time to stand still, to allow the fullness of what the stream carries to settle again, to see to the center once more.

The other evening I listened to two talks, accompanied by short guided meditations/visualizations by two women, one a writer with many years' life experience, one an ordained minister who seems to be opening some new avenues of spiritual possibility and celebration. I connected with both, more strongly with the second. When she knew I also am an ordained minister and open to sharing the gifts I possess, she asked where my areas of interest lie. All I could say at that moment was: I am still finding my way and I work best with individuals and small groups.

As I have continued to consider her question in the light of where my spirit soars and finds best and most complete expression, I realize my path is the same as it has been most of my life. It is a path not readily understood in twenty-first century society outside of the ancient monastic traditions. Nor, even if understood, is it a path 99.9% of the spiritually connected individuals in the world will choose. Yet, it is my path. My deepest and truest being is one of a contemplative mystic.

What does this mean with respect to how I can share my gifts and talents? What does this mean in how I live my life from day to day: working full-time, sharing a home and what time we both have with a partner, seeing to my aging aunt's needs, wants and business affairs? Added to those question is the first one: how do I make use of my availability as a spiritual healer, teacher and presence?

This continues on my blog at From the Eagle's Nest.

Tags: contemplative, mystic

Trust System?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 22:20:43 GMT

I am not comfortable about this new wrinkle of "seeds." I plan to give away all those seeds and hope they don't reappear, using them as a means to tell a few folks I care deeply for them and their presences. In many ways this exercise seems a tiny bit juvenile and needy. It also seems to make an opportunity for judgment and non-acceptance, neither of which I find beneficial to enlightenment and spiritual growth.

Consequently, if you get a seed from me, please understand I give it to let you know I do care for and value you. When I run out, that's fine.

Tags: trust, seeds, need, acceptance

What is creativity?

http://ginieagle.gaia.com — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 19:06:01 GMT

Creativity is the expression of a being's uniqueness to share with the universe. The wonder of creativity is its incredible diversity.

Tags: QaR, creativity, creative, life