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May 2008 
On Being Vulnerable
Posted on Feb 11th, 2007
by 
Spirit Eagle
Spirit Eagle
How challenging, how scary it is to be vulnerable, to walk with an open heart. Unconditional love, unquestioning acceptance, non-judgmental openness to another person includes allowing one's self to remain vulnerable. Without such vulnerability one truly cannot approach relationship with open heart and hands.
Living in harmony and peace includes building relationships with those whose approach to others has been influenced strongly by life experiences of pain, disloyalty, disrespect, unkindness and dishonor. How does one build a loving, accepting relationship with another who does not trust, who expects to be hurt and treated dishonorably? How does one love anyway, regardless of the unmindful cruelty the other person practices in thoughtless words and actions? Yet, that is the way of peace and compassion.
It is rare to have a close, loving relationship where there are not walls, defenses and fear closing off some possibilities. Few of us can live past the mid-point of our years in this physical reality without being the recipient of multiple injuries, frequent mindless and occasional deliberate cruelties and disrespect. Most of us will react in defense and close off our more vulnerable sensitivities, lessen the trust we have in many others and build more walls.
When do we stop building walls and start opening windows? When do we choose to recognize the unintentioned words and actions usually are those from a lack of mindfulness, reactions to the past rather than deliberate intent to cause hurt and pain? How long does it take any of us to recognize the hurt we feel usually is a self-involved reaction to unmet expectations?
It is challenging beyond words at times to recognize our individual defensive behaviors are mindless reactions to our past experiences. It is highly unusual most folks live to hurt others deliberately. Most people are living reactive to the past, not mindful and usually unaware of the present moment and how actions and words affect others. To choose otherwise is a choice to be fully present in the moment, aware and open to the possibility of anything that can happen, allowing the present to unfold without imposed expectation.
Yesterday I visited my aunt, ten days following her release from several weeks in a convalescent hospital back to her assisted living home. She returned to a major change. She had left a private room when she was hospitalized in December and returned to the same room, now shared with a roommate she never had met. It was a decision I had made based on financial realities, knowing it would be difficult for her. Yet, there was little choice in order to maintain some sort of financial stability as long as possible for her.
Aunt Ruth said she has been trying to make it work. Genevieve, the new roommate, seems to spend only sleeping hours in the room. She does not appear to have more than a small chest, a nightstand, a single bed and a chair. Her belongings are few. Aunt Ruth and I wondered if this is her first experience in assisted living. My conversation with my aunt about her roommate centered on the possibility it was just as difficult for her, if not more so. It was heart-warming to see that Aunt Ruth is trying to be compassionate and understanding through her own difficulties and the looming physical issues she faces.
Aunt Ruth's ability to be open to the pain and fear of another woman is a microcosm of the challenges of vulnerability in relationship all of us face every day of our lives. Can we step apart from the expectations we place on others to be caring of us long enough to be caring of them in their fears? Can we release those expectations as the self-involved lack of mindfulness characteristics they usually are and open ourselves to compassion for and acceptance of others? Can we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to walk with open arms and an open heart?
Living in harmony and peace includes building relationships with those whose approach to others has been influenced strongly by life experiences of pain, disloyalty, disrespect, unkindness and dishonor. How does one build a loving, accepting relationship with another who does not trust, who expects to be hurt and treated dishonorably? How does one love anyway, regardless of the unmindful cruelty the other person practices in thoughtless words and actions? Yet, that is the way of peace and compassion.
It is rare to have a close, loving relationship where there are not walls, defenses and fear closing off some possibilities. Few of us can live past the mid-point of our years in this physical reality without being the recipient of multiple injuries, frequent mindless and occasional deliberate cruelties and disrespect. Most of us will react in defense and close off our more vulnerable sensitivities, lessen the trust we have in many others and build more walls.
When do we stop building walls and start opening windows? When do we choose to recognize the unintentioned words and actions usually are those from a lack of mindfulness, reactions to the past rather than deliberate intent to cause hurt and pain? How long does it take any of us to recognize the hurt we feel usually is a self-involved reaction to unmet expectations?
It is challenging beyond words at times to recognize our individual defensive behaviors are mindless reactions to our past experiences. It is highly unusual most folks live to hurt others deliberately. Most people are living reactive to the past, not mindful and usually unaware of the present moment and how actions and words affect others. To choose otherwise is a choice to be fully present in the moment, aware and open to the possibility of anything that can happen, allowing the present to unfold without imposed expectation.
Yesterday I visited my aunt, ten days following her release from several weeks in a convalescent hospital back to her assisted living home. She returned to a major change. She had left a private room when she was hospitalized in December and returned to the same room, now shared with a roommate she never had met. It was a decision I had made based on financial realities, knowing it would be difficult for her. Yet, there was little choice in order to maintain some sort of financial stability as long as possible for her.
Aunt Ruth said she has been trying to make it work. Genevieve, the new roommate, seems to spend only sleeping hours in the room. She does not appear to have more than a small chest, a nightstand, a single bed and a chair. Her belongings are few. Aunt Ruth and I wondered if this is her first experience in assisted living. My conversation with my aunt about her roommate centered on the possibility it was just as difficult for her, if not more so. It was heart-warming to see that Aunt Ruth is trying to be compassionate and understanding through her own difficulties and the looming physical issues she faces.
Aunt Ruth's ability to be open to the pain and fear of another woman is a microcosm of the challenges of vulnerability in relationship all of us face every day of our lives. Can we step apart from the expectations we place on others to be caring of us long enough to be caring of them in their fears? Can we release those expectations as the self-involved lack of mindfulness characteristics they usually are and open ourselves to compassion for and acceptance of others? Can we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to walk with open arms and an open heart?
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